Walking on the Waves (How God Will Meet You in Your Grief)
When crashing waves hit you in life, is it possible to walk on the waves?
This is a story of how God met me in my grief.
LIFE HAS WAVES OF JOY,
LIFE HAS WAVES OF GRIEF.
WAVES OF REMEMBERING WHAT WAS,
AND LETTING GO OF WHAT CAN NEVER BE.
The first lines (above) of a poem I wrote in remembrance of my nephew, Johnny, floated into my spirit as I sat by the ocean, watching the crashing waves.
I’d just gotten the news that he died, and I was replaying memories of him in my mind. Salty tears in salty air. A Scripture I’d recently memorized enveloped me like a gentle hug.
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your Book.” -Psalm 56:8
It was as if this “message in a bottle” floated to the shore just for me. Instead of feeling overcome by waves of grief, I felt a comforting wave of peace, carrying me through this heartbreaking news. It had knocked the wind out of me…but The One who stills the wind was here with me in my place of sadness. I’d asked God to meet me in my grieving, and with His steadying presence, I felt like I was walking on the waves of emotion instead of drowning in them.
Johnny was 12 years younger than me, and his name had been in many of my prayers, especially in recent years. It was no secret that he battled the grip of an addiction that was trying to destroy his life, and many of our family members were praying for him.
It would seem that the devil had won. But as I sat by the ocean, wondering if all of our prayers for Johnny made any kind of difference, pouring out my feelings and questions and asking God to help me make sense of it all with HIS perspective and not my own, I felt a Knowing. Knowing that the devil hasn’t won…he never gets the final word.
More words of the still-forming poem continued to flow into my spirit, like the surges of waves washing onto the shore.
I’M REMEMBERING YOU, JOHNNY…
IN WAVES.
WAVES OF SNAPSHOT MEMORIES,
FROM BABY BOY TO MAN,
WAVES OF PRAYERS TO HEAVEN
WITH YOUR NAME CARRIED ON THEM.
WAVES OF LOVE THAT WILL NEVER FADE,
EVEN WHEN TIME’S SANDS HAVE WASHED AWAY…
IN WAVES.
A few years ago Johnny had called me (we’ve lived in different states for many years), and we had a long conversation about God. He told me he was against religion…from what I gathered he’d had some bad experiences in his life with church and/or religious experiences. I told him that sadly, people do a lot of bad things in the name of religion. Jesus Himself called the Pharisees and Sadducees (religious leaders) a “brood of vipers.” So did John the Baptist.*
Should that keep us from pursuing God? Whether religion, or attending church, is part of our lives or not, we will experience in this life what Ephesians 6:12 tells us:
“Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world…”
Churches and ministries SHOULD be a safe place for people to go and belong and experience God (with spiritual walls correctly built for this worldly battle), but unfortunately, all too often it’s not the case.
The powers of this dark world can do damage anywhere, making its own kind of waves using all kinds of means, including religion. That’s why, as I shared with Johnny, knowing God is about relationship rather than religion.
If you personally identify with or belong to a certain religious denomination, there is nothing wrong with that. And there are many good churches and ministries that are helping to restore lives and repair damage the enemy has done by whatever weapons he has used.
But even in those cases, you’re missing out on immense blessings in your life if sitting in a church pew is the extent of your pursuit of God. Knowing about God is not the same as knowing God. Knowing Him means talking to Him daily, getting to know His ways, His will and His character (all of which are in His Word). The One who created you wants to be in your life every day of the week, not just in a Sunday sermon…and whether you choose to go to church or not, He will become your best friend, and so much more, if you let Him.
“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with Me.” –Revelation 3:20
”Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” -Matthew 11:28
”I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” -Isaiah 41:10
Johnny and I talked late into the night about all this and more, and I asked him if it would be OK for me to send him some books that might help give him a different perspective. He said yes.
In my present-day seaside reflecting, years after that significant phone call with my nephew I wondered if the love I tried to impart during our talk, and with the books I sent him, was of help in any way.
One by one, like beautiful “see-shells” suddenly visible on a seashore, imprints of God’s Word have appeared to me over the past week as something to hold onto:
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." – 1 Peter 4:8
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." -John 15:12
These are just two examples of verses that have been put into my path in answer to my heart’s questions — words that perfectly align with what I was trying to do for Johnny when he reached out to me. I’m so grateful for the gift of that ‘deep-dive’ talk Johnny and I had, and for what I later learned, through many stories shared at his funeral…
Johnny had a lot of love in his heart that he gave to others. A homeless person he took in and gave a hot meal to. A complete stranger in trouble that he arranged a safe ride home for, pre-paying the cab driver for the lift. The stray rescue animal center he volunteered at two days a week, and all of the animals he gave a home to and loved dearly. Hearing these stories and many more, I couldn’t help but think of Matthew 25:40:
“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” - Matthew 25:40
Even in this midst of his own struggles and hardships, Johnny was doing what Jesus has called us to do.
It took a few days of sitting by the ocean, asking God the question, “How does this poem for Johnny end?”
Then the words finally came…carried on His waves of peace.
AS I LISTEN TO THE WAVES ON THIS BRIEF SHORE,
I KNOW ONE DAY WE’LL MEET AGAIN ONCE MORE…
IN WAVES.
WHERE EARTHLY WOES AND TEARS ARE GONE,
WHERE RAINBOWS SING A HAPPY SONG,
YOU’LL GREET US HOME WITH SMILES
AND CHEERFUL
WAVES.
With an App on my phone, I was able to put the entire poem into the video at the top of this blog, and it was included in Johnny’s celebration of life service. I hope it is a source of comfort to anyone in the midst of loss and grieving who sees it.
No matter what demons we battle in our journey (yes, there is such a thing as demons; you can learn about it in God’s instruction manual, the Bible),** God knows each one of us and what we are going through. He knows every detail about us, even down to the number of hairs on our head (Luke 12:7).
And when crashing waves of this life knock us down, He is our Life Preserver to reach for. He will meet us there, and He will take us through our grieving process in ways divinely orchestrated for each of us. Ways that meet us in the loss and grief, bringing “the peace of God, that transcends all understanding” (Phillippians 4:7) in the most unexpected ways.
The One who walked on water… will help us walk on the waves.
reSOURCEs:
How Lamentations helps us to grieve: A short animated video by The Bible Project
A book I often gift to people who are grieving the loss of a loved one: Appointments with Heaven
*Why did John the Baptist & Jesus call Pharisees a “brood of vipers?” gotquestions.org
Questioning God’s existence? Here’s one of the books I sent to Johnny: MORE THAN A CARPENTER
**What the Bible says about demons